This is my year for it. A c-section, 2 brain surgeries... one to remove the cyst and one to remove the titanium in my skull. They are taping Dr. Shahinian as being a miracle worker and he was so impressed with my little miracle working that I hope they choose me to be one of his little miracles. Then we are still doing an episode of "Bringing Home Baby" which we were interviewed for last Sunday. My sister and Josh's brother are getting married this year and even though my sister hates me now I still have to acknowledge that she is getting married and I wish nothing but the best for her and WHERE'S MY BABY?!?!?!? I want him NOW!!!

"Once you have become the woman you always wanted to be then what?" I tell Josh today.

"Are you the woman you always wanted to be?"

"Yes." I hit my goals for myself... I feel accomplished in many ways and no one ever told me once I could speak Russian fluently, am too sick to be fiercely independent, I found the most wonderful man on the planet to be my partner, have that damn gally copy of my book I need to finish editing, when I feel good I get to help other people out with their problems (and some of you are starting to LISTEN to me Ally!!! Talk about the diet!!! ) and having a baby, something I NEVER thought would happen.

"I still have a ways to go..." he replies. "I guess you end up giving love to my boy!"

I'm in shock. I have a lot more hope than I have in a long time. I met with Dr. Shahinian yesterday and he was equally as impressed with me as I was with him. I've been watching his carreer for over a year now and am so impressed with what he does for people with ACs. I got a letter from a mother who's daughter just had surgery and called up the SKI to tell them my experience and that if he needed someone to push for him I would do it because I was fed up with the quality of care I have been receiving. He appreciated that I was not chasing these lunitics in the court house trying to get money but was more impressed that I was looking to be cared for.

"We have to take this in two stages. First I need to remove the cyst and let you heal and then go back in and cut the titanium out of your head as it's interfereing with more stuff. But I need to see more current scans." This is not the first time he has had to clean up after another doctor here in LA. Apparently if the other doctors started to listen to him and do their jobs right then he might go out of business because they make so many mistakes. I hate that I am one of them but very grateful to know the difference.

So who knew my son was my pixie dust? I knew the direction or hoped my life would go in this kind of great direction but had no idea or merely have forgotten just how beautiful life can be.

Despite everything I have been through and everything I am going to have to go through I am very lucky to be me. Don't ever give up!

Love,

Catherine